About Last Week:

That one was for those who came before, and who charged the Cossack guns with 599 of their closest friends. 

The Road Ahead:

Maryland (5-3, 2-3 B1G)

Last week: Lost at Indiana, 42-36

Recap: Maryland’s run defense is awful. In their last four games, against four very middle-of-the-road rushing teams in Penn State, Minnesota, Michigan State, and Indiana, Maryland has surrendered 321 yards per game at 6.1 yards per carry. They are down to #127 in the country in S&P+ rushing defense. This, of course, is on the heels of giving up 414 rushing yards to Indiana, including 104 yards to Zander Diamont (!) and 111 yards to 270-pound freshman running back Tyler Natee (!!).

This defensive ineptitude is overshadowing a surprising strength: Perry Hills is completing 70% of his passes for 7.6 yards per attempt in conference play, and he only has three picks on the year. The offense has crawled back to above average, and the running game is legitimately decent. All in all, pretty okay progress for DJ Durkin’s crew.

Maryland now enters a brutal stretch; they play at Michigan, at home against Ohio State, and at Nebraska. The light at the end of the tunnel, though is Rutgers and bowl eligibility.

This team is as frightening as: Chaos-deficient 2013-2015 Indiana. Fear Level = 4

Michigan should worry about: Maryland is averaging 5.74 yards per carry in conference play.

Michigan can sleep soundly about: If you didn’t drool while read that first paragraph, I don’t know what else I can tell you.

When they play Michigan: Michigan plays a team that doesn’t base their entire existence around their relationship to and rivalry with Michigan. So that’ll be nice.

This week: at Michigan, 3:30 p.m., ESPN (Michigan -31)

[After THE JUMP: Iowa wins, #CHAOS reigns]

Iowa (5-3, 3-2 B1G)

Last week: Bye

Recap: Somehow Iowa is still in the race for the Big Ten West, despite being thoroughly Ferentzian. They’re 3-2 in conference, so winning out would get them to 6-2 and at least a share of the West. But there are way too many tiebreakers to figure out how things could go, especially when we’re talking about a team whose coach struggles with “how many is eight minus six minus two.” So they’re just gonna play these one at a time.

This team is as frightening as:

      Fear Level = 6.5

Michigan should worry about: Michigan hasn’t won in Iowa City since 2005. Crazy Kinnick Juju is always a possibility.

Michigan can sleep soundly about: This is the last real hurdle before The Game and fortune and glory.

When they play Michigan: Kirk Ferentz goes for two at some point because based he is under the impression that a generous donor is matching every point he scores between now and the top of the hour. But then he remembers that offer was from the NPR fundraising drive, not the rules of football. Football, but by then it’s too late, and they’ve already run the zone stretch to the strong side.

This week: at Penn State, 7:30 p.m., BTN (Penn State -8)

Indiana (4-4, 2-3 B1G)

Last week: Beat Maryland, 42-36

Recap: 650 yards of offense. 517 yards of offense allowed. 414 yards rushing, allowed Ty Johnson, Lorenzo Harrison, and Keneth Goins to rush for 239 yards at 7.7 yards per carry. Ran an offense largely that heavily incorporated a 270-pound freshman running back… as a wildcat quarterback… with the backup quarterback as the running back.

Welcome back, #CHAOSTEAM. We’ve missed you.

This was a significant step back for the Indiana defense; it was the first time all year they’ve allowed more than 5.8 yards per play (they allowed 6.15 YPP to Maryland) or more than 440 total yards, including games against played Ohio State and Nebraska. As a reminder, they gave up >440 yards and more than 5.8 yards per play eight times and allowed >440 yards ten times last year. It was, however, a creative breath of fresh air from Kevin Wilson offensively.

This team is as frightening as: #CHAOSTEAM Classic. No one liked New #CHAOSTEAM. Fear Level = A crazy-ass 5

Michigan should worry about: Did you miss the part where I mentioned the 270 POUND RUNNING BACK SLASH WILDCAT QUARTERBACK?

h/t: IU Athletics

Michigan can sleep soundly about: Michigan is currently a 32-point favorite to S&P+

When they play Michigan: The clock hits zero. You will smile. They you will realize what week it is. Then you will begin to pace.

This week: at Rutgers, noon, BTN (Indiana -14)

Ohio State (7-1, 4-1 B1G)

Last week: Beat Northwestern, 24-20

Recap: Northwestern had a first and goal from the Ohio State 3 late in the fourth quarter down by seven points. They ended up with a field goal. They then had two cracks to stop OSU on third and long to get the ball back with a shot to win the game, but allowed the Buckeyes to convert both times.

You could’ve had him, man. You could’ve had him.

This would have almost wrapped the division title up for Michigan. Instead, it was just Ohio State’s third straight iffy performance, and the fourth straight if you count a less-than-stirring win over Indiana. Ohio State’s offense has been the purported culprit, but it’s hard to discern the problem. Their yards-per-play numbers have been remarkably consistent, but their points per game have not.

Ohio State is #6 in the initial CFP rankings, and they still have games against #3 Michigan, #10 Nebraska, and (if they win those) either Nebraska again or #8 Wisconsin (or Minnesota or Iowa… but nah). They have a very reasonable path if they win out.

This team is as frightening as: Any situation in which you might encounter Big Nut or Buck I Guy. Fear Level = 9

Michigan should worry about: oh nothing why do you ask.

Michigan can sleep soundly about: also nothing so stop asking.

When they play Michigan:

This week: vs. Nebraska, 8:00 p.m., ABC (Ohio State -17)

Objects in the Rearview Mirror

Hawaii (4-5, 3-2 MWC)

Last week: Lost to New Mexico, 28-21

Recap: Getting outgained by New Mexico by nearly a yard and a half per play is bad.

#Analysis

This week: at San Diego State, 7:00 p.m., CBSSN (SDSU -21)

UCF (4-4, 2-2 AAC)

Last week: Lost at Houston, 31-24

Recap: To look only at the score, you might think this was an encouraging outing for UCF. After all, Houston was a playoff contender like 20 minutes ago. But the truth is that UCF is probably kicking themselves right now, because they *had* this game. The Knights had a 24-3 lead in third quarter, after which point their offensive drives went:

• 3 plays, 6 yards, fumble
• 5 plays, 5 yards, punt
• 2 plays, -9 yards, interception
• 5 plays, -1 yard, fumble
• 3 plays, 1 yard, punt
• 9 plays, 37 yards, turnover on downs

Hitting is important. Scoring is also important.

This week: vs. Tulane, 5:00 p.m., ESPN3 (UCF -17; this is the rescheduled game from Hurricane Matthew)

Colorado (6-2, 4-1 Pac-12)

Last week: Bye

Recap: No recap. Bye.

This week, they take on a UCLA team that has lost Josh Rosen for the year, and is currently 3-5.

Still happening.

This week: vs. UCLA, 9:00 p.m. Thursday, FS1 (Buffs -12) (EDIT: Colorado won by ten.)

Penn State (6-2, 4-1 B1G)

Last week: Won at Purdue 62-24

Recap:“Welcome back to the Main Event here at the World Series of Being Unable To Get Out of Your Own Goddang Way.”

/Penn State plays “traditional Penn State slow start against inferior opponent” card

/crowd murmurs

/Purdue plays “Purdue” card

/crowd laughs approvingly, golf-claps

/James Franklin tips his cap. He then panickedly calls timeout. He is not wearing pants.

Against all odds, Penn State and Purdue were tied 17-17 at halftime, with Purdue missing a 39-yard field goal at the end of the half that would have given them a lead. Of course, Purdue opened the second half by throwing a pick and muffing a punt return, both of which Penn State turned into 24-yard scoring drives. After that, things got a little out of hand, and by the end Penn State had nearly doubled Purdue on a yards-per-play basis. The Boilers played solid football for a while for interim coach Gerad Parker, but eventually Purdue Purdid Purdue things, as they are wont to Pur-do.

This week: vs. Iowa, 7:30 p.m., BTN (Penn State -8)

Wisconsin (6-2, 3-2 B1G)

Last week: Beat Nebraska, 23-17 (OT)

Recap: This was a very Wisconsin game. They gained 337 yards of offense, bringing their average in conference games to… 337 yards per game. Meanwhile, they surrendered 305 yards, which was extremely off-brand compared to their conference average of 325 yards.

Wisconsin took a 17-7 lead in the third quarter, but proceeded to go three-and-out, pick, pick, missed field goal to end regulation. They then scored in overtime on a nice Dare Obunbowale run, and Nebraska failed to pick up a first down (negating the potential hilarity resulting from the fact that Wisconsin missed the extra point after the Ogunbowale touchdown).

This was a necessary condition for Wisconsin to win the West and make the Big Ten Championship Game, but not a sufficient one. They still need Nebraska to lose one more game. After this week’s game at Ohio State, Nebraska has home games vs. Minnesota and Maryland and a road game at Iowa, so the Badgers realty need Ohio State to take care of business. I suspect Michigan fans would prefer otherwise.

This week: at Northwestern, noon, ABC (Wisconsin -7)

Rutgers (2-6, 0-5 B1G)

Last week: Bye

Recap: Probably Rutgers’ best performance to date.

This week: vs. Indiana, noon, BTN (Indiana -14)

Illinois (2-6, 1-4 B1G)

Last week: Lost to Minnesota, 40-17

Recap: Man, the wheels have just fallen right the hell off at Illinois. Fortunately, they get a break in their schedule this weekend.

This week: vs. Michigan State, noon, ESPNNEWS (Michigan State -9.5)