The name of the year bracket is out and I just don't know you guys, there are so many good ones. We've known for 17 years that Charity Sunshine Tilleman-Dick would be a top contender in this year's draft, but not that Littice Bacon-Blood, Dr. Wallop Promthong, Mussolino Africano, Manmeet Colon, Flavious Coffee, Understanding Bush, Reverent Pierrebatista Pizzaballa, Infinite Grover, Amanda Miranda Panda, and Cherries Waffles Tennis would all be coming out this year. Charity is just a 13-seed. The MSU guard they call "Tum Tum" is a 15-seed and entered by his given name, Lourawls Nairn Jr.; apparently someone agrees with me that a nickname like "Tum Tum" need not be wasted on a guy already named Lourawls. I vote we make them give it to Trice. Tum Tum Trice. All in favor?
Sadly Michigan is again unrepresented, the once-mighty program with the all-Ron Swanson-approved front seven reduced to a spattering of boring last-names-that-coud-be-first-names.* However after last night we may ourselves have a write-in candidate:
It's Canadian for extremely sharp triple-dip salsa.
Meet Sauce Castillo, the accidental nickname for Nick Stauskas. I am old enough to remember a time when hilarious captioning mistakes were merely legends you prayed someone else at school saw the next day, not immediately screencapped, spread to every person who might be interested, meme'd,
and slapped on a t-shirt you could order immediately:
Wait what does "Sauce Castillo" mean? Since when was that my nickname lol!!
— Nik Stauskas (@NStauskas11) March 26, 2015
Since the internet, Mr. Castillo. I remember the days before it, and those days were less fun than these days.
Side Note: Never, and I repeat: NEVER say "Nik Stauskas" into Siri. She will translate it as "skip chapter" and not only jump you to the next one on your audiobook, but you can never go back! It is skipped forever!
* [So many first name last names: Brady Hoke, Dave Brandon, Desmond Morgan, Drake Harris, Shane Morris, James Ross, Jarrod Wilson, Jeremy Clark, Ty Isaac, Mason Cole, Willie Henry, Kenny Allen, Zak Irvin, Cutler Martin, Alex Kile, Evan Allen, Megan Betsa,…can you think of more?]
[After the jump, the other two in the 2015 Big Two Little Twelve is a team from Michigan (NTTFM)]
Helpful to me, Big Daddy to you. So we're writing HTTV stuff right now and I drew the MSU preview, a job that got considerably easier when Diary All Star alumn96 decided he would do my job for me! A quick positional breakdown:
 |
| Unless Ohio State names a starter before then, this guy is going first overall in the next Draftageddon. [Upchurch] |
- QB: They're fine.
- RB: Once they dismiss/forget about some gun charges they have a guy
- FB/TE: Deep
- WR: Same group of questionable suspects; surest thing has same except amplified legal issues as Glasgow, however Dantonio is on the low end of disciplinary coaches so expect Kings back long before Michigan.
- OL: Best in State memory
- DE: Calhoun back, but easier to attack the other edge with Rush graduated
- DT: Big Heath and two five-stars (one of whom is living up to expectations) and loaded RS freshman group.
- LB: I didn't get enough credit for drafting Ed Davis last year. Next Bullough up
- S: Would be worse if Michigan had offered Montae. It's him and either a transfer or the guy they benched last year.
- CB: Waynes is gone and remember Lippett was starting here. They need to find two guys, and probably will
- ST: Not covered but weird Geiger regression last year.
MSU is a top ten team next year, and perhaps the only one other than Ohio State I'd include in a preseason top 25 (holding off on Wisconsin until they have a quarterback). It's big two little twelve out there until/if the Harbaugh and Franklin projects yield.
To be dumped in the next gargantuan minor violations report. Every year Ohio State sends the NCAA a list of secondary violations that could easily be mistaken for the federal budget, and since these violations are all rather silly to begin with a few people have a tizzy and some Bucks get overly defensive, and it blows over. Here's one that will probably make Subsection B of Article 74 in Book 18 of Vol. 9 as recorded in Liber 117 of Plats, Page 30,412 of the Ohio State Secondary Violations Report of 2015:
That's Braxton Miller with Brandon Oshodin, owner of a Columbus-based downline distributor arm for a pyramind schemey nutrition supplements company (a name-sponsor for one of the sillier bowl games), which Miller is apparently working for.
Recommended outrage: 5% bad companies selling junk products using the Amway model, 94% the NCAA won't allow players to do this sort of thing even if it's part of the side job he's working because he's not allowed to have enough cash to live like 99% of college students, and 1% that the rival is the only team on this side of the Ohio River that's apparently exempt from an unjust and stupid rule.
Etc. Softball outscored Ohio State 46-2 in two games, so there. FTR today's game against Iowa has been postponed due to weather so there'll be a doubleheader tomorrow.
Your Moment of Zen:
One more week till football-like substance.