Unverified Voracity Can't Find Darrell

Oh no. This is is getting passed around various message boards:

45-34-31-28-21-20-17-14-12-6

This isn't Brady Hoke's luggage combination (we know what that is). It's the number of points Michigan has scored against MSU over the last decade. It goes in one direction.

Oh.

Brady Hoke says coaches can sometimes tinker a bit too much in bye weeks. Says Michigan got back to its identity during break: run the ball.

— Dan Murphy (@DanMurphyESPN) October 20, 2014

I see.

Brady Hoke asked if Jabrill Peppers practiced yesterday: "We had a good practice. We had a good practice. We had a good practice."

— Kyle Bogenschutz (@KyleBogie) October 20, 2014

Coachbot is malfunctioning. Someone give him a whack.

Purdue coaches all look alike. Jerry Kill doesn't know what Darrell Hazell looks like.

So Michigan has lost to the Ebola coach and goofy Minnesota uncle this year.

Also in Minnesota, I would pay to see Jerry Kill do this:

The status (please don't be the status). Sam Webb laid out his opinion of the way things are going to go on the Scout message board in an extensive post. In brief: his guess at the moment is that Brandon is relieved sometime after the season and this delay may end up buying Hoke another year.

I find it implausible that Michigan would risk that. The fanbase is right on the edge of dropping out in droves—a recent Free Press story touting the fact that Michigan only lost about 700 season ticket holders ignores the fact that Michigan has now completely burned through its once-legendary waitlist. Hoke's return threatens to create a serious dent, and once you break the habit it's hard to get people back in it.

Recruiting shouldn't override common sense here. Even if Michigan goes with another Process that sees them hire a coach in the middle of January the recruiting impact won't be enormous because this class is so small. If Michigan hangs onto 8-10 guys they could add a few fliers and be fine. The guys they hang onto are actually touted recruits instead of the mess that was Rodriguez's last class.

Maybe I shouldn't worry. A lot of these projections come with disclaimers like "if Michigan splits with MSU and OSU". MSU opened a 15.5 point favorite—the most MSU has ever been favored in the series—and that was quickly bumped up to 17. That gives Michigan a less than ten percent chance to win. OSU just bombed Rutgers 56-10; that spread is likely to be in the same range.

/stares blankly at wall. So this happened:

Tony Gibson, the first-year West Virginia defensive coordinator, had an interesting dilemma midway through the second quarter facing the dynamic Baylor offense. The Bears had arrived in Morgantown averaging an FBS-leading 623 yards per game and 67 points in their past two meetings with the Mountaineers. Baylor had just retaken the lead, 20-14, on a 63-yard touchdown catch-and-run by Antwan Goodley.

On the play, WVU's Terrell Chestnut took a vicious block from Corey Coleman to spring Goodley. The WVU cornerback was down on the field for minutes and done for the game due to a concussion. The Mountaineers also had lost their other standout corner, Daryl Worley, for the game at the start of the second quarter after he injured his ribs on a punt return.

WVU blitzed 46 times, Petty got discombobulated, and WVU ran away with a win over #4 Baylor after holding the Bears to just 315 yards—their lowest total in four years. Without both starting corners. With Tony Gibson their defensive coordinator.

Good one, universe. Just when I think I can't feel your steel-toed boot you find the last possible nerve that feels anything.

Join us in our misery. Iowa, come on down!

Iowa really went the entire first half without completing a single pass to a WR.

— Brendan Stiles (@thebstiles) October 18, 2014

On the one hand, Iowa is 5-2. On the other, Iowa isn't any good and can't get a new coach. We might be able to get a new coach. I think I'd rather be us? Yeah.

Texas A&M, come on down!

That was halftime.

Florida, come on down!

WE KNOW. WE KNOW. WILL MUSCHAMP BROKE MATH. WITH HIS STUPID PUDGY HANDS. HE BROKE IT RT @patjburns oh no pic.twitter.com/iDvTR8dKQa

— MUSCHAMP-O-LANTERN (@edsbs) October 19, 2014

I hope this has made everyone feel momentarily better before we go into the dark this weekend.

Etc.: Indiana is a 3:30 kick, so you have to wonder if you'll ever get to see most of a college football weekend again. Hooray Denard rushing for 129 yards in his first start. Canadian junior hockey facing a lawsuit for violating minimum wage laws. If you're not familiar with the hypocrisy of the CHL, imagine the NCAA without the education. Women's soccer is rounding into a real program. These numbers are beyond ugly.

What do you do when you're getting a ton of quarters coverage? Go deep in the slot. Roy Roundtree knows what's up.